Good News

I'm excited to  be ninety-five pounds in two months, which is a very new thought process for me. I'm a stranger to such positivity. In the past, I pined over ice cream and awaited the pattern of suffering my cravings before reaping their aftermath... shaking with terror and anticipation. Lately, I'm optimistic. This is better than a pithy reprieve from insanity. This is happiness. I know that placing all of this in the past tense won't bar me from melancholia, but it couldn't hurt (it can't...)

...and yet despite all of this positivity, I still feel like I should be eternally asleep, because staying awake is such an admirable feat for me. I feel dumb in front of the keyboard, and my mind tells me that I'm writing drivel... but I can't curb it, because I can only feign interest in things of substance. I feel like a log. I'm a lagging log. I'm a logging laggard. This is the sort of nonsense that's looping through my brain.   

Even more nonsensical than looping logging laggards, is good news:

 I lost two pounds.

Yes! 

What does this prove? It proves that chronic laziness can beget weight loss. This is a brilliant discovery, and surely a breakthrough for the scientific community (who are really more preoccupied with diet than they ought to be). I'm ready for you skeptics!

Weight: 114  113  112  111  110  109  108  107  106  105  104  103  102  101  100  99  98  97  96  95

Height: 5'4"