A Bit About High Fructose Corn Syrup

I've heard so many warnings about 'High Fructose Corn Syrup,' but I'd neglected to learn anything about it beyond knowing that it's something that one should take arms against, and avoid it as one does the plague. In a nutshell, this is why:

High Fructose Corn Syrup

(Fructose comes from fruit, but syrup comes from corn [corn sap...?].)

 The Facts:

• Obesity is a common repercussion of the consumption of high fructose corn syrup:

 "[There was] a study conducted by Princeton University, [which] found that rats that were fed HFCS gained fat 300% more quickly than those fed an equal (or slightly larger) dose of fruit-derived sugar (So sayeth this website)."

• High fructose corn syrup is similar to sugar, but it's processed within the liver; kidneys; and galbladder, which makes it quite the fiend against one's liver. Many strong prescription drugs are processed in the same manner, so this is a very bad thing (especially if you're on as many psych. medication as I am)
• It's caloric, like sugar, and it carries the same health risks (diabetes, metabolic syndrome, etc.)
•  There lies a connection between HFC and pancreatic cancer. In all honesty, a lot of man-made sweeteners have the capacity to cause either cancer or tumors: Sugar Substitutes 

After reading what I have, I don't think that HFC is really that much worse than sugar. It's a chemist's concoction, and it has its own unique drawbacks... but sugar has its own brand of horrors as well. It's really just a matter of 'picking your poison.'

If calories aren't one's primary concern (hah...), it's suggested that raw honey is a decent replacement for high fructose corn syrup, although I'm more fond of sorbitol, which has the potential to cause "severe weight loss (see my Sugar Substitutes link for details on the matter)." The body does get accustomed to sorbitol, however, so it's best to take in smaller doses rather than taking it excessively under the false impression that more of it begets weight loss. 

 

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106 105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95

Height: 5'4"

Points: XXI

Unrelated to sugar and such: I've fallen into a bought of mania, and it's been dreadful this time around. I've been nervously sucking down cigarettes (a habit that I tossed away two years ago), and I've had to take an obscene amount of my anti-anxiety medication- and sleeping pills, and alcohol- just to fall asleep. I wake up fuzzy and peaceful for about an hour, and am then shot with brilliant alalertness which lingers and wakes me until I swallow my medications all over again. I am on antipsychotics. I'm on a good mood stabilizer. And yet there's no rest. There's no solace. There's just a seething madness that floods my reason and my ability to function as a normal human being should... I'm weary of leaving my home for anything but cigarettes, because it's all so overwhelming to me. I'm Icarus, but I don't want to fly anymore. I know that my wings will melt. I know what lies ahead. I know that only depression will follow the storm, and that it will linger as it always does.

I'm sorry for the melodrama. On a remotely positive note, mania has deflated my appetite trtremendously, which has allowed me to break free from the miserable binging. For that, I'm grateful. For all else, I'm frustrated with myself. I wish that I could be the type of manic who revels in those surges of energy. Alas. I'm climbing cliffs instead of stairs. 

The Cupboards

There are some food toppings and such that I am particularly fond of, and should (hence) be in all other cupboards as well. Sadly, it's a modest list... since having variety in my diet confuses me.

Fodder for the Cupboards

...and the fridge and the freezer (perhaps the counter, too?).

Food Essentials

Safe Foods

1. Butter Spray (0 calories). Butter spray is amazing. I drown my food in butter spray. It's magical. You should always have butter spray around you.
2. Frozen Berries (79 calories per cup). I munch on frozen blueberries quite frequently, because they're low in calories, and because it's very difficult to binge on frozen fruit. Likewise, I put nearly all of my fruit in the freezer.
3. Zevia Soda (0 calories). Zevia is a brand of soda that uses stevia to sweeten their beverages, as opposed to aspartame (found in popular diet sodas, barring fountain drinks). Zevia Cream Soda has become my favorite dessert as of late. 
4. Water Bottle Drink Mix (5 calories per packet). The mixes that I'm referring to, are packets that are poured into water bottles in order to add flavor. Crystal Light is my favorite brand for this, because they add antioxidants, vitamins, and fiber to their mixes. I prefer their flavor as well, opposed to that of 'off brands.'
5. Pepper (0 calories). I know that this is a common staple, but it deserves a mention. Black pepper temporarily boosts one's metabolism, and it makes boring food exciting (like salt!).
6. Tea (0 calories). You should always have tea. There is no excuse for not having tea. It's filling, it settles the stomach, and it has a plethora of medicinal uses (...and it's good with milk and sugar).
7. Better than Bouillon No Chicken Base (15 calories). Bouillon cubes create a lovely 15 calorie soup, which one could nearly drink with abandon. As a vegetarian, I love Better than Bouillon for their vegan options.

Preventative Measures 

'Safe' Binge Foods

1. Popcorn (100 calories per bag). If you must binge, binge on popcorn. So many wonderful things can be done with popcorn. It can be doused in butter spray, then sprinkled with cinnamon and zero calorie sweetener; doused in cocoa powder; mixed with garlic... all of which are great for satiating binge cravings.  
2. Arctic Zero Ice Cream (150 calories per pint). When I can afford it, I like to keep a few pints of Arctic Zero in my freezer. One can down five pints of Arctic Zero ice cream and still not have exceeded 1,000 calories... making it a perfect binge food. 
3. Frozen Mango (90 calories per cup). Frozen mango has an interesting consistency, reminiscent of marshmallows. It also tastes somewhat like marshmallows, which makes it a very pleasant fruit to binge on.
4. Cocoa Powder (15 calories per tbsp). Cocoa Powder is a low-calorie way to mend chocolate cravings. I enjoy mixing it with stevia (any other 0 calorie sweetener will do as well), and mixing it into a touch of nonfat milk (this changes the consistency, so that I'm not eating spoonfuls of dry powder [and milk raises one's metabolism]).

On an unrelated note: I'm starting the 'Master Cleanse' tomorrow. I'll post my excitement.

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106 105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95

Height: 5'4"

Points: XII

A Befuddled Fast

In two hours, I'll be starting my fast... and it recently occurred to me that I only have a very odd selection of liquid in my house to choose from:

1. Mint chocolate coconut milk (So Delicious)
2. Organic nonfat milk (Stonyfield's)
3. Powerade Zero
4. Cocoa powder with stevia
5. Whey Cookies 'n Cream protein mix
6. An odd assortment of teas
7. Hazelnut instant coffee (Maxwell House)
8. Coffee Grounds (Folger's)
9. Cream Soda (Zevia)
10. Vegetarian Chicken Bouillon (Better than Bouillon)

What confuses me about this list the most, is that there isn't any juice. Apple juice is a breakfast staple when I fast (a page taken from the Russian Gymnast Diet). I suppose that I'll make a trip to Walmart after posting this.

The most important component in my liquid fasts is order, which makes this list all the more baffling. There's too much to choose from. I don't even know how all of this got into my house. This is precisely what I hate about grocery stores. There's no order. It all just looks like chaotic eating to me.

This is the best that I can conjure (*Edited):

Breakfast: Apple juice (one full tall glass)
Lunch: Hazelnut instant coffee
Dinner: Earl Grey tea with milk and stevia
In-between meals: Cream soda and black tea
Snack for the movies: a caffeinated concoction


Cheers...!

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106 105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95

Height: 5'4"

Points:  VII

Calories Required to Meet Our Goals

Weight Gain/Loss Planning Calculator
This calculator will estimate your daily calorie requirements for losing, maintaining and gaining weight. Note: To get the most accurate TDEE (Total Daily Energy Expenditure) results from this calculator, get your body composition tested and enter your body fat percentage in the optional "Body fat percentage" field.
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On the subject of goals: There is absolutely no possibility of me reaching ninety-five pounds by Christmas (which, I've suddenly noticed, takes place in three days). Even if I chopped off a breast, I'd be closer to a normal B.M.I. than that of a petite '16.4.'

...so, instead of moping, I'm setting a new goal. According to the calculator above, I can reach my goal weight in late February if I maintain a net of  644 calories. Easy! I can do that. Can't we all? I think so. I'll keep playing my 'Points Game' and favoring my potatoes (I'm fond of them) and protein drinks.

This weight loss high is honestly all that's keeping me cognizant today. I'm actually afraid of eating, because I know that the energy will go away, and I'll be catotonic again.

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95

Height: 5'4"

Vitamins for Restricted Diets

I'm going on a very long overdue scavanging excursion today, to hunt for vitamins that should properly accompany my diet. Despite the cornocopia of fruit that I consume daily, my diet is far from healthy. If ever I dip below 1,000 calories in a day, I feel very faint.

I remember going to the store once for food, and then feeling suddenly overwhelmed by nausea and dizziness. I walked to the health section of the store with my head down (my meager attempt to prevent myself from collapsing), and intrepidly snatched a bottle of iron supplements from the shelves. I then wobbled to the register- still with my head down (I must have looked mental)- and then payed for the pills... shortly before unwrapping them, and then frantically popping them into my mouth like a junky on withdrawal (I was mere steps away from the register, still staring at the ground).

I was on the S.G.D. at that time, and I don't want to chance the same ridiculous ordeal happening whilst I'm at work (my job is physically demmanding). ...so I'm planning ahead by buying vitamins like these:

Vitamins for Restricted Diets

• Women's Multivitamins. A multivitamin contains a broad spectrum of vitamins that are necessary for us to live healthily. Women multivitamins often contain more iron and calcium than their ordinary counterparts, which are necessary for healthy bones, hair, and nails... and for preventing dizziness, as well as a host of other unfortunate results of iron deficiency.
• Omega 3 Supplements. Omega 3's help prevent cardiovascular problems and depression... both of which are often dangerous results of a very low calorie diet (especially for bulimics). Omega 3's also boost the brain, as do other 'good' fats (like coconut, nuts, flax seeds [which contain Omega 3], etc.)
• Antioxidents. People who follow a very low calorie diet are often deficient in antioxidents, which are necessary to fight infections. An antioxident supplement will fill the gap.

A Tip: be sure to take a bit of fatty food with your vitamins. Although it sounds unpleasant, it's necessary in order for your vitamins to be absorbed into your body. Whilst some vitamins are water soluble, other vitamins are fat soluble... and, let's be honest: low-fat diets are quite unhealthy in general.

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95
Height: 5'4"

Wonderful News

I meant to compose this yesterday, but I was too sleep deprived to arrange my letters into words. The point, however, still remains: I have wonderful news to share.

My Sorbitol came in through the mail today!

 I must admit that it looks a bit suspect, packaged in its shiny ziplock bag (...illegal sugar?)... but I'm guessing that packaging isn't of high concern for customers who purchase their sugar substitutes from a chemist's website.

To anyone who's missed my obsessive babbling about Sorbitol:

Sorbitol

For the record: I'm not fond of the prospect of making frequent potty stops (which, on its own, does not cause one to lose proper weight)... but to me, "tremendous weight loss" outweighs the inconvenience.

So far, I haven't experimented any farther than incoorporating it into my hot chocolate... but I'm going to bounce about the kitchen today and make a myriad of lovely recipes to post!

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95
Height: 5'4"

Coco Truffle Tea

I was watching Hook this evening, and I found this chant (by the Lost Boys), sung to encourage Pan to be fit enough to fight Captain Hook:

 

"Pick 'em up! Move 'em down! Pick 'em on up! Move 'em on down! Ain't no time to celebrate! You are old and overweight! Gotta lose a million pounds! Get your fat butt off the ground! Reach on down and touch your toes! How long since you looked at those? Shape up! Lose weight! Get thin! Gotta win! Jumping jacks are good for you! Now your face is turning blue! Swing your arms around your back! Give yourself a heart attack! Gotta train! In the rain! In the sun! In the snow! Ten below! Gotta move! Gotta do! Gotta crow!"

 

It made me chuckle. I should download it for my next workout.

 

 

On a completely unrelated note, I took this tea from my mom's cupboards a few days ago (I'll reiterate: she eats hardly anything that she buys at the store... she lives off of tomatoes until dinnertime). It's called Coco Truffle tea, by: Tea Forte. It's amazing, and it tastes like chocolate:

 

I know what you're thinking. Where can I find such a lovely tea cup? It's a fantastic feat. Go to America, visit a mall (any mall), and walk into a Chinese gift shop. Somewhere within that shop will be at least ten different trinkets that depict a picture of your Chinese Zodiac sign. They each often offer a paragraph that explains your personality, which is based upon the year in which you were born. If you're lucky enough, they'll have teacups.

...and if you are in America, I know that you're nodding in agreement. If you aren't nodding, then you're missing out on our malls' greatest tourist attraction (they have kimonos!).

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95
Height: 5'4"

The Apple

My boycot of solid foods lasted for about eighteen hours, before I was enticed by the apple that beckoned me from inside of my fridge. I'm certain that I can last longer now, since there are no apples nor pomegranates nestled atop the shelves. I'm going to start over with it at midnight, with a bit more sincerity.


I find myself wanting a pen pal lately. I want a friend to plan diets with, exchange progress notes, pass along stories, and other odds and ends. If I found such a person in the real world, I feel like I'd have a friend who understands me to a greater extent than other people I've met. We could talk about our feelings together, and avoid food like the plague. We wouldn't have to hide our bones in sweatshirts and layers to avoid scrutiny, because neither of us would be appauled. Perhaps I should just move to a bigger city...

There are four hours until midnight in my corner of the world. I can't fathom eating much else right now, so I suppose that I should just throw what's left of the cupboards into the bin. Feeling as though I'm too large to leave the house has lingered on for longer than I can stomach.

 

 

 

(I love this picture)

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95
Height: 5'4"

The Blues

I'm probably a bit slow to learn this, but I can't help sharing. It's so cool.

 

For the record, I always chose 'Superman' ice cream as a kid, because there was something delightfully odd about eating blue, red, and yellow ice cream. I still add food colouring to my ice cream, because- truth be told- I'm a very immature adult. When I babysat as a teenager (a task which I loathe, despite being very well-liked by children [it's a baffling paradox]), I created a game in which everyone slid down the stairs in a laundry basket (which I was scolded for, since parents believe that their children should spend their lives in fuzzy blankets instead of propelling themselves down a flight of stairs). Later in the day, we shared our Pokemon cards and discussed the current worth of the famed Holigraphic Charizard.

...anyway (apologies for the tangent), the idea behind all of this is that blue food represents things that we should avoid, since blue animals have a tendency to be poisonous booglie ooglies. Interestingly enough, the majority of these pictures were posted by chefs, who were quite proud of their colored creations. I take from this, that these chefs may have slipped through the cracks of Darwin's Theory... and would likely have died out whilst wandering the wild, had properly evolved been unvailable to guide them.

 

Behold! Delicious food: 

(I laughed a lot while I was going through these pictures)

 

 Cheers!

 

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95
Height: 5'4"

 

Fast Food for the Anxious

When I depart for a long voyage on the road with my family, I get very nervous about stopping for fast food. It provokes my anxiety for several reasons. If I order a small cup of fruit, I feel transparent, as if my eating disorder brightens and beckons suspicion. If I order a drink, I will be plagued with the prying chorus of "You're not hungry?" ...which drives me a bit insane, since it's a conviluted concept to me. I'd break for a soda, but then I'd have to explain that said soda has 160 calories and is well enough to carry me until my next meal; but that sounds completely neurotic.

To subsidy this chaos, I study menus as soon as the shiny, greasy destination is decided. This, however, takes time, and god forbid I have to say "wait...! I haven't decided." as I scroll frantically through my phone... which runs the risk of taking too much time, so I'm forced to stare at the menu from the window and utter a series of "um..." 's.

To the point, it's much easier if one knows what to order before pulling into the drive-thru. This is a list of the lowest calorie options provided at the more popular takeaway joints (please do not shop at Arby's. Their management is sickly corrupt in America):

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

McDonald's

Breakfast:

Fruit and Maple Oatmeal (290 calories)

Apple Cinnamon Walnut Oatmeal (270 calories)

Dinner:

Premium Ceaser Salad with Grilled Chicken (190 calories)

Premium Southwest Salad with Grilled Chicken (290 calories)

Premium Bacon Ranch Salad with Grilled Chicken (230 calories)

------------------------------------------
 

Taco Bell

Dinner:

Fresco Chicken Soft Taco (150 calories)

Fresco Crunchy Taco (140 calories)

Fresco Grilled Steak Soft Taco (150 calories)

Mexican Rice (120 calories)

------------------------------------------
 

Wendy's

Dinner:

Apple Slices (40 calories)*

Garden Side Salad (210 calories)

Caeser Side Salad (250 calories)

Ultimate Chicken Grilled Sandwich without the bun (180 calories)

 

------------------------------------------

Burger King

Breakfast:

Quaker Oatmeal (140calories)

Kids Oatmeal (170 calories [...?])

Dinner:

Apple Slices (25 calories)*

Side Caeser Salad with Dressing (220 calories)

------------------------------------------

 

KFC

Dinner:

Kids Popcorn Chicken (260 calories)

Mashed Potatos without Gravy (90 calories)

3" Corn on the Cob (71 calories)

Sweet Kernal Corn (100 calories)

Macaroni Salad (190 calories)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

*I suggest getting a side of apple slices to fill up on. The more food you have in front of you, the less likely you'll be chastised for only managing a half of it.

 

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95
Height: 5'4"


Sorbitol

After digging through pages of odd (mostly odd) and droll facts about artificial sweeteners, I finally found a favorite: Sorbitol. Sorbitol is the only substitute that actually caused weight loss, unlike its less friendly peers... the lot of which often cause cancer.

I found a more readable article recently, warning about the "dangerously excessive weight loss." linked to Sorbitol. It warns that Sorbitol has a laxative effect in large quantities... which is probably why it's used  as a laxative. I've mentioned this a few times, but I feel like it would be remiss not to reiterate it: Laxatives do not cause weight loss. Poop indicates that the digestive process is finished, no mater how it's excreted. You cannot poop away calories. That being said, there must be another reason why Sorbitol that causes weight loss.

 

Read the Article Here

 

The people who took part in the study ate about fifteen sticks of sugar free gum per day, which seems to be the magical amount of Sorbitol to induce poopies and excessive weight loss. I'm not a healthy person, so I like the idea of excessive weight loss. It makes me giddy. I'll sit on the john twice a day if need be. Pardon me whilst I shove three sticks of sugar-free gum in my mouth and daydream about sagging, baggy pants.

Once I've procured my Sorbitol, I will post a myriad of recipes. It doesn't brown whilst it cooks, so I'lI plan to go nuts with food colouring (rainbow cake!).

 

A Place to Buy Sorbitol

($9.25 - 7E)

 

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95
Height: 5'4"
I think that's Charmander to the right, screaming "Don't puke on the bed."

Sugar Substitutes

I've been curious about artificial sweeteners for a while now (Stevia, especially), and it's taken me quite some time to dig up enough information to sew all of the bits of information together.

First and foremost: All of these artificial sweeteners have drawbacks, but we'd be doing ourselves a disservice if we didn't first look at sugar. Sugar has a direct link to obesity. It hurts one's heart; it causes diabetes by invoking spikes in blood sugar; it increases one's risk of yeast infection (gross); it increases one's risk of depression (probably due to the sporadic changes in blood sugar that it evokes); and it has strong links to the development of cancer, namely breast cancer and pancreatic cancer.

Before I frighten the fruit junkies like myself, I'd like to state that whilst fruit is quite sugary; soda, ketchup, cookies, cakes, and other miscellanea are much worst catalysts. Fruit is packed with natural fibre and vitamins, whereas granulated sugar is not. When one thinks "fat," one does not think "fruit."

Sugar Substitutes

What's out there?

 

Aspartame: Nutrasweet and Equal

 

Acesulfame Potassium: Sunett

 

D-Tagatose: Sugaree (bit of a misnomer, eh?)

 

Neotame: Usually found incognito, since no label for it is legally necessary

 

Sorbitol: Sugar-free Gum

 

Stevia: Truvia

 

Sucralose: Splenda

 



Aspartame

Pros: It has 0 calories.
Cons: It will probably kill you.

Safety Warning: Aspartame contains a substance that can be metabolized into formaldehyde, and is known to cause cancer in animals.
Miscellaneous side effects: Aspartame may trigger, mimic, or cause the following illnesses:

• Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
• Epstein-Barr
• Post-Polio Syndrome
• Lyme Disease
• Grave’s Disease
• Meniere’s Disease
• Alzheimer’s Disease
• ALS
• Epilepsy
• Multiple Sclerosis (MS)
• EMS
• Hypothyroidism
• Mercury sensitivity from Amalgam fillings
• Fibromyalgia
• Lupus
• Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma
• Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)

Acesulfame Potassium
Pros: It has 0 calories.
Cons: It causes tumors.

Safety Warning: Acesulfame Potassium has created tumors in the lungs and breasts of rats; and caused chronic respiratory infections.
Miscellaneous side effects:

• Headaches
• Liver complications
• Mental confusion
• Visual impairment
• Renal diseases

Mental confusion...? I sense an after school special.

D-Tagatose
Pros: D-Tagatose naturally occurs in several dairy products, so it's less like a lab concoction.
Cons: It's derived from lactose, so vegans should avoid it.

Safety Warning: Apart from being toxic in very, very large doses (like, your body weight in artificial sweetener, all at once)... it's completely safe.
Miscellaneous side effects: I read through rat studies to find the safety of D-Tagatose. A simple list of side effects really doesn't exist.

Neotame
Pros: It has 0 calories.
Cons: It will most likely kill you in the same fashion as Aspartame will.

Safety Warning: Neotame is Aspartame's chemical cousin, so it poses the same risks as Aspartame does. It's equally poisonous.
Miscellaneous side effects: See 'Aspartame'

Sorbitol
Pros: It's derived from fruit, and it makes gum tasty.
Cons: Although it's low in calories, it is not calorie-free. In higher quantities, it's used as a laxative.

Safety Warning: It's safe!
Miscellaneous side effects: I found this today, and have decided to chew sugar-free gum every day for the rest of my life:

"One patient, a 21-year-old woman, had unexplained [diarrhea] and abdominal pain for eight months. She reported an unintended weight loss of 24 pounds, weighing in at about 90 pounds.

After she was asked about diet, she said she chewed sugar-free gum with sorbitol daily, taking in about 18 to 20 grams a day. One stick typically has 1.25 grams.

Once she eliminated sorbitol from her diet, the gastrointestinal problems stopped and she gained back more than 15 pounds (http://www.webmd.com/diet/news/20080110/sweetener-side-effects-case-histories)"

I don't think that this woman pooped her pounds away.

Stevia
Pros: It has 0 calories, and occurs naturally in the Stevia plant.
Cons: It lowers blood sugar, which has is: a.) bad for diabetics, and b.) bad for quelling cravings

Safety Warning:
Miscellaneous side effects:

• Bloating
• Nausea
• Numbness
• Infertility
• Lowers blood pressure*

* Many people on very restrictive diets run into problems with low blood pressure.

Sucralose
Pros: It has 0 calories. The body digests it as 'food,' as opposed to breaking it down in other odd fashions.
Cons: It has a list of strange side effects.

Safety Warning: Sucralose has not been deemed 'unsafe,' but there's still some contreversy.
Miscellaneous side effects:

• Skin Rashes/Flushing
• Panic-like Agitation
• Dizziness and Numbness
• Diarrhea
• Swelling
• Muscle aches
• Headaches
• Intestinal cramping
• Bladder issues
• Stomach pain

From here on out, I am going to incorporate sorbitol in my recipes as a substitute for sugar, instead of stevia. May we have our cake and eat it, too? ...probably not, but low-calorie hot chocolate that begets weight loss sounds amazing. I'll invent some with my next paycheck (and I'll  keep hunting around for that magical weight loss cake recipe).

 

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95
Height: 5'4"

I've begun a trend of writing posts, and then deleting them later on. As with most things, I blame this on my personal case of the crazies. Manic Depression is a highly esteemed scapegoat (how many times have you heard "I think she's bipolar? [many, right?]").

Lost and Found

 

 

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95
Height: 5'4"

Icarus

I created a new page for this site, so that I could better seperate my personal blog entries from those related to dieting. This is just a brief snippet from the lot (chosen for no particular reason):

 

In a Fog
July 23, 2012
I’ve referred to being ‘in a fog’ many times, but I’m not sure that I’ve ever actually defined what it’s like to be in a fog. As I am currently in a fog, I’m going to make a meager stride to interpret it… which is no simple task, because the fog is rather overwhelming, and I’d just as soon lie on the floor contemplating the ceiling’s looming lack of tiles.
I’ve been sleeping on and off for a while now, in between shamefully large meals. I’m sure that there’s a lot of psychology behind eating the ‘large meals,’ since I’m normally very particular and obsessive about my diet, but it’s a passing phase and I don’t care enough to dissect it.
Because my family is celebrating Mother’s Day tomorrow, I had to leave my house in order to purchase some compensation for my birth (which really ought to have been a sympathy card). I took a bath before leaving, and then stared at my face for a very long time, wondering whether or not it was appropriate enough to carry on outside.

When things feel heavy, I tend to look at the mirror longer than I can make sense of. One of the most prominent aspects of the ‘fog’ is a state of confusion. My reflection confuses me more than anything, since I’m unable to make a tangible connection between myself and it. I just stare at it in disbelief, wondering whether or not I should take it seriously.

Driving in the fog is dangerous. Everything’s on autopilot, and yet I have this overwhelming sense of apathy which is completely irrational. I begin to ponder certain dangers on the road (explosions, crashes, drive-by’s), and conclude that they may as well happen, since I don’t care either way. If a train flew off of its tracks and sailed in my direction, I’d just watch it, and think, 'Oh, well.'The fog leaves no room for adrenaline. There isn’t happiness in the fog, nor is there hope… nor is there a particular hopelessness, because everything is just very, very dull. I’m able to catch some parts of melancholia within such a state, but it is generally a mental prison.
I’m going to end this blog, because I can’t find any more strength to write it. I’d be eating another ginormous meal right now, if I hadn’t already made a ball out of my moderately-cooked brownie mix, and thrown it over the fence, in an attempt to end my bizarre lack of structured eating.

Icarus

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95

Height: 5'4"

Lucidity and Carrot Soup

I've been very self conscious of my writing lately, which is why my entries have been disappearing and then reappearing. It's difficult for me to trust my lucidity whilst taking a new medication... and for good reason, because the ways that it's effecting me are not normal.  It feels like the air around me is thick, and that my mind is struggling to recall what I've done or should be doing. It's a very 'drugged' feeling. The most peculiar side effect, is that everything is beginning to taste like soap. I'm not sure how I feel about that yet.

I'm going to try to keep my writing more concise whilst I'm trying to get used to the medication, so that I won't second-guess everything. I'm also in the process of moving my personal entries into a solitary page as well, so my editing's moving along more slowly than I'd like it to. I'll be posting recipes daily as well, so there will always be something new here.

A recipe:

Carrot Soup

Calories: 38

(Serves ten)

10 full-length carrots, 5 medium stalks of celery, 2 cloves of garlic, 1 medium onion, 8 cups of water

1. Chop all vegetables into small pieces, then boil them in a pot with eight cups of water.
2. Allow to boil until tender.
3. Let cool, then add garlic to the mix. Puree the soup for a heartier texture. For a smoother texter, use a blender.
4. After blending, add garlic, salt, and pepper (to taste).
5. Reheat and eat!

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95

Height: 5'4"

Hoodia

I've been hesitant to talk about my experience with this product, because I have a tendency to sabotage myself immediately after boasting about something that's worked for my weight loss. I've taken Hoodia for ten days now, so I believe that I'm beyond the point of jinxing, so I feel okay about this.

This is Hoodia:

(It isn't a cactus)



Doesn't this plant look poisonous (intimidatingly so)? No amount of persuasion would make me eat this in the wild.

 

I take it with my vitamins in the morning (Hoodia Superthin, specifically), and then again with lunch, and dinner. I still force myself to eat close to 1,000 calories (always above 700), but I very rarely want to binge or overeat. That means much more to me than I can express, because binging is a very painful experience for me.

 

These are my nets whilst on Hoodia (please take into account that I am on a very strong antipsychotic that always triggers an increase in appetite [I ate 2,000 calories on average when I took it last])):

 

Day one: 1,032

Day two: 697

Day three: 520

Day four: 1,163

Day five: 1,195

Day six: 164

Day seven: 964

Day eight: 826

Day nine: 706

Day ten: 379

  

 

So far, the only side effects I've experienced are headaches and nausea. I'll make a note of it if anything odd arises. 

 

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95

Height: 5'4"

 



 



Losing Weight at Work

I'm heavily medicated right now, so I apologize in advance for the disheveled nature of this blog entry. I'm very near to falling asleep on the keyboard, but I am determined to finish writing this before then.

I work at a clothing store, and stay busy running to and from the shipping room, with racks and trolleys of clothing. I count the lot of it as cardio, which motivates me, since I know (...or think, at least) that I'll weigh less each pay day. I've pulled together a few jobs that offer similar pay-offs:

Part-time Jobs that Burn Calories

1. Retail: As long as you aren't confined to the cash register, working in retail burns about 125 calories per hour. 
2. Guiding Tours: Walking briskly on a tour burns about 189 calories per hour, whereas walking leisurely burns 149 calories.
3. Paintng Homes: As well as strengthening your arms, painting walls burns 251 calories per hour.
4. Construction: Working construction burns around 290 calories every hour.
5. Serving at a Resturaunt: Serving tables consists of a lot of running around wihlst carrying trays, burning roughly 190 calories each hour.

All of the aboves estimates are based on my weight, at 110 ( 7st 8) pounds (49.8 kilos).

 

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95

Height: 5'4"