Eating Disorder Evaluation

This is the most thorough evaluation that I've seen on the internet regarding the severity or possibility that one may or many not have an eating disorder:

The Assignment

I received a 48.2

Please send me some comments so that I have something to compare that too.

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106 105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95

Height: 5'4"

Points: XXI

I'm going to experiement a bit with my next paycheck, and try a variety of diet pills so that I can report back the drawbacks and benefits of each of them. I'm a bit of my own lab rat. I have Hoodia already, which I've recently neglected... so I'll revisit that one first. Then I may give Reservatrol one more go, assuming that the panic attack that I suffered after taking it was coincidental (that happens often). I'm looking forward to it!

A Befuddled Fast

In two hours, I'll be starting my fast... and it recently occurred to me that I only have a very odd selection of liquid in my house to choose from:

1. Mint chocolate coconut milk (So Delicious)
2. Organic nonfat milk (Stonyfield's)
3. Powerade Zero
4. Cocoa powder with stevia
5. Whey Cookies 'n Cream protein mix
6. An odd assortment of teas
7. Hazelnut instant coffee (Maxwell House)
8. Coffee Grounds (Folger's)
9. Cream Soda (Zevia)
10. Vegetarian Chicken Bouillon (Better than Bouillon)

What confuses me about this list the most, is that there isn't any juice. Apple juice is a breakfast staple when I fast (a page taken from the Russian Gymnast Diet). I suppose that I'll make a trip to Walmart after posting this.

The most important component in my liquid fasts is order, which makes this list all the more baffling. There's too much to choose from. I don't even know how all of this got into my house. This is precisely what I hate about grocery stores. There's no order. It all just looks like chaotic eating to me.

This is the best that I can conjure (*Edited):

Breakfast: Apple juice (one full tall glass)
Lunch: Hazelnut instant coffee
Dinner: Earl Grey tea with milk and stevia
In-between meals: Cream soda and black tea
Snack for the movies: a caffeinated concoction


Cheers...!

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106 105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95

Height: 5'4"

Points:  VII

Another Lumpin Loner

I wasn't keen on visiting my parents' house to pick up my tax returns (If I prove that I'm exceptionally poor to the Y, they give me a discount), so I didn't get my gym membership today. It overwhelms me to talk to people after work, since my job involves constant communication... so- after my shift is over- I feel compelled to avoid all who expect me to converse for much longer than a few minutes. For fair example: my phone is currently brimming with texts that 'beep,' and I want to throw it against the wall, so forcefully that it breaks through the plaster... and I would throw it at the wall, if I didn't depend on it to allow me to read blogs and count calories. I know that the people who try to reach me only mean well, but I'm so accustomed to being alone that being constantly bothered is just maddeningly grating.

I'm starting a liquid fast when I wake up tomorrow, because I'm round and unhappy. I'm hoping to be asleep before then. Buying clothes today was a bit traumatic.

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106 105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95

Height: 5'4"

Points:  V

Calories Required to Meet Our Goals

Weight Gain/Loss Planning Calculator
This calculator will estimate your daily calorie requirements for losing, maintaining and gaining weight. Note: To get the most accurate TDEE (Total Daily Energy Expenditure) results from this calculator, get your body composition tested and enter your body fat percentage in the optional "Body fat percentage" field.
Gender:	FemaleMale
Your age:
Your height:	ft.in.
Your weight:	lbs.
Your body fat percentage (optional):	%
Your daily activity level:Sedentary (little or no exercise, desk job)Lightly active (light exercise/sports 1-3 days/wk) Mod. active (moderate exercise/sports 3-5 days/wk) Very active (hard exercise/sports 6-7 days/wk) Extr. active (hard daily exercise/sports & physical job)
Number of pounds you wish toLoseGain:	lbs.
Number ofDaysWeeksMonthsYearsto achieve goal:
Daily calories required to maintain current weight:
Daily calories required meet desired goal:

On the subject of goals: There is absolutely no possibility of me reaching ninety-five pounds by Christmas (which, I've suddenly noticed, takes place in three days). Even if I chopped off a breast, I'd be closer to a normal B.M.I. than that of a petite '16.4.'

...so, instead of moping, I'm setting a new goal. According to the calculator above, I can reach my goal weight in late February if I maintain a net of  644 calories. Easy! I can do that. Can't we all? I think so. I'll keep playing my 'Points Game' and favoring my potatoes (I'm fond of them) and protein drinks.

This weight loss high is honestly all that's keeping me cognizant today. I'm actually afraid of eating, because I know that the energy will go away, and I'll be catotonic again.

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95

Height: 5'4"

Fruit-sicles

These look amazing. I'm going to make a batch of them this Friday:

Frozen Fruit Pops

Calories: 30 per pop

 

Ingredients:

1/3 cup diced kiwi (36)

1/3 cup diced watermelon (15)

1/3 cup diced strawberries (15)

1/3 cup diced pineapple (26)

1/4 cup fresh orange juice (28)

Instruction:

1. Combine the diced fruit in a bowl and fill each 5 oz cup with fruit.
2. Add 1 tbsp of juice and insert craft sticks into each cup. (they stay in place nicely because of the lot of fruit).
3. Place pops into the freezer for a few hours, or until firm.
4. To remove the pops from the cups, run the cups under warm water for a few seconds.
5. ...and voila! Bon Appetit (practicing my [lack of] French today).  

 

 

(Serves four)

 

Today was my first day starting the S.G.D... which went remarkably well, since I spent most of my day having a panic attack Mental illness is such a lovely accompaniment to a proper diet.

I remember calling out of work, and babbling into the phone about some severe case of vertigo that was "causing the walls to cave in around me..." which was partly true, because the walls really were slanting and bending forward. I decided that it was best to conceal the real cause, since calling out because "I'm mentally ill," seemed detrimental to my career.

 

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95
Height: 5'4" 

Don't Take Resveratrol

I'm quite concerned about my mental state at the moment, for it seems that Resveratrol (an ambiguous diet pill) has made me very ill. I'm dizzy, my heart is pounding, my head is heavy, and my stomach is nagging at me to purge all of these foreign chemicals from my body. The walls are drawing nearer to me... but this must be nothing more than a panic attack. It needs to be a panic attack. I refuse to miss work. I need these hours; this stupid money. I just spent fifteen dollars on a sweetener for Christ's sake (or Buddha's, or Vishnu's [I love Hinduism], or for whomever's you fancy)!

I didn't intend the former to be the subject of this post, but writing puts me more so at more at ease than babbling about the gym. ...so (my meager attempt to add dieting advice), the loose moral of this story:

Don't take Resveratrol-

especially if you need to drive to work and competently converse and fold clothes for six hours.



 

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95
Height: 5'4"



Nighty Night

It's the end of the day, which marks the end of my diet, which freed me from my cravings. I no longer feel like Atlas (assuming that Atlas carried brownies on his back instead of the Earth).

I'm starting the S.G.D (Skinny Girl Diet) tomorrow, partly because the only fruit that's left in my cupboards are two kiwis (which would turn my regimented fruit salads into two very boring bowls of kiwi)... and because it must be started on a Monday, which is too convenient to ignore:

• Additional Rules:
  
  
  
  
  • Eat as many fruits and veggies as you'd like, without counting them as calories.
  • Excercise for thirty minutes, for five days each week.
  • Burn off any calories that are over the limit

To anyone who would like to join me: I'm creating a progress page specifically for the S.G.D. and will be updating it daily. You're welcome to record your own progress in the comment boxes (strength in numbers!).

This diet brought me down to ninety-six pounds when I last embarked on it, which is one pound shy of my goal weight. I fell off of the wagon after the first few weeks, because I was naive enough to have a bowl of ice cream (always my binge trigger). Everything went downhill rather quickly. Oreos and Brownie mix were later involved.


Not that it's of renown importance, but I'm removing the advertisement from my sidebar. Although I'm not projecting anything negative or harmful in this blog (positivity encourages weight loss; negativity only encourages depression), I still feel paranoid that it might be shut down, on the premise that this is a weight loss blog written by a girl who went mad a thousand years ago. I'm also bothered by the idea of making a profit from the number of people who read my journal. There's something iniquitous about that.

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95
Height: 5'4"

The Experiment

My mind's having some difficulty coping with my fasting endeavor, so I'm going to take up the Russian Gymnast Diet for a while instead (I finally have money to buy fruit again!).

I've altered it somewhat, but it's still structured the same way:

The R.G.D (a).
The Russian Gymnast Diet (altered)

Breakfast: One glass of either orange or apple juice

Lunch: Fruit Salad (comprised of either four fruits, or two fruits and one banana), with one cup of fruit juice.

Dinner: One apple, eaten alongside a glass of water

I sincerely apologize for the less aesthetically appealing addition to my sidebar. I'm really struggling to support myself right now, so I've been inclined to into scrape change from every corner of my home that I can. I promise to make up for it by adding at least one new pocket of weight loss tips per day.

Stay well, loves. Rest will bring another chance to continue your path anew.

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95
Height: 5'4"

The Apple

My boycot of solid foods lasted for about eighteen hours, before I was enticed by the apple that beckoned me from inside of my fridge. I'm certain that I can last longer now, since there are no apples nor pomegranates nestled atop the shelves. I'm going to start over with it at midnight, with a bit more sincerity.


I find myself wanting a pen pal lately. I want a friend to plan diets with, exchange progress notes, pass along stories, and other odds and ends. If I found such a person in the real world, I feel like I'd have a friend who understands me to a greater extent than other people I've met. We could talk about our feelings together, and avoid food like the plague. We wouldn't have to hide our bones in sweatshirts and layers to avoid scrutiny, because neither of us would be appauled. Perhaps I should just move to a bigger city...

There are four hours until midnight in my corner of the world. I can't fathom eating much else right now, so I suppose that I should just throw what's left of the cupboards into the bin. Feeling as though I'm too large to leave the house has lingered on for longer than I can stomach.

 

 

 

(I love this picture)

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95
Height: 5'4"

Sorbitol

After digging through pages of odd (mostly odd) and droll facts about artificial sweeteners, I finally found a favorite: Sorbitol. Sorbitol is the only substitute that actually caused weight loss, unlike its less friendly peers... the lot of which often cause cancer.

I found a more readable article recently, warning about the "dangerously excessive weight loss." linked to Sorbitol. It warns that Sorbitol has a laxative effect in large quantities... which is probably why it's used  as a laxative. I've mentioned this a few times, but I feel like it would be remiss not to reiterate it: Laxatives do not cause weight loss. Poop indicates that the digestive process is finished, no mater how it's excreted. You cannot poop away calories. That being said, there must be another reason why Sorbitol that causes weight loss.

 

Read the Article Here

 

The people who took part in the study ate about fifteen sticks of sugar free gum per day, which seems to be the magical amount of Sorbitol to induce poopies and excessive weight loss. I'm not a healthy person, so I like the idea of excessive weight loss. It makes me giddy. I'll sit on the john twice a day if need be. Pardon me whilst I shove three sticks of sugar-free gum in my mouth and daydream about sagging, baggy pants.

Once I've procured my Sorbitol, I will post a myriad of recipes. It doesn't brown whilst it cooks, so I'lI plan to go nuts with food colouring (rainbow cake!).

 

A Place to Buy Sorbitol

($9.25 - 7E)

 

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95
Height: 5'4"
I think that's Charmander to the right, screaming "Don't puke on the bed."

Icarus

I created a new page for this site, so that I could better seperate my personal blog entries from those related to dieting. This is just a brief snippet from the lot (chosen for no particular reason):

 

In a Fog
July 23, 2012
I’ve referred to being ‘in a fog’ many times, but I’m not sure that I’ve ever actually defined what it’s like to be in a fog. As I am currently in a fog, I’m going to make a meager stride to interpret it… which is no simple task, because the fog is rather overwhelming, and I’d just as soon lie on the floor contemplating the ceiling’s looming lack of tiles.
I’ve been sleeping on and off for a while now, in between shamefully large meals. I’m sure that there’s a lot of psychology behind eating the ‘large meals,’ since I’m normally very particular and obsessive about my diet, but it’s a passing phase and I don’t care enough to dissect it.
Because my family is celebrating Mother’s Day tomorrow, I had to leave my house in order to purchase some compensation for my birth (which really ought to have been a sympathy card). I took a bath before leaving, and then stared at my face for a very long time, wondering whether or not it was appropriate enough to carry on outside.

When things feel heavy, I tend to look at the mirror longer than I can make sense of. One of the most prominent aspects of the ‘fog’ is a state of confusion. My reflection confuses me more than anything, since I’m unable to make a tangible connection between myself and it. I just stare at it in disbelief, wondering whether or not I should take it seriously.

Driving in the fog is dangerous. Everything’s on autopilot, and yet I have this overwhelming sense of apathy which is completely irrational. I begin to ponder certain dangers on the road (explosions, crashes, drive-by’s), and conclude that they may as well happen, since I don’t care either way. If a train flew off of its tracks and sailed in my direction, I’d just watch it, and think, 'Oh, well.'The fog leaves no room for adrenaline. There isn’t happiness in the fog, nor is there hope… nor is there a particular hopelessness, because everything is just very, very dull. I’m able to catch some parts of melancholia within such a state, but it is generally a mental prison.
I’m going to end this blog, because I can’t find any more strength to write it. I’d be eating another ginormous meal right now, if I hadn’t already made a ball out of my moderately-cooked brownie mix, and thrown it over the fence, in an attempt to end my bizarre lack of structured eating.

Icarus

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95

Height: 5'4"

Risperidone

I've never actually experienced this before, because I am so engaged in my decisions at the grocery store, that I wouldn't notice if the man beside me caught fire.

I was taken off of Seroquel and put on Risperidone today, which is probably just as well, considering that I was eating spicy salsa out of the jar with my fork the other night. Although it hasn't caused me to gorge on as much as Seroquel did, I can barely lift my eyelids on Risperidone. Honestly, I'm not sure how I'm able to function well enough to type this... but I wanted to check in and share a few words, despite the apparent lethargy.

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95

Height: 5'4"

 

Lucidity and Carrot Soup

I've been very self conscious of my writing lately, which is why my entries have been disappearing and then reappearing. It's difficult for me to trust my lucidity whilst taking a new medication... and for good reason, because the ways that it's effecting me are not normal.  It feels like the air around me is thick, and that my mind is struggling to recall what I've done or should be doing. It's a very 'drugged' feeling. The most peculiar side effect, is that everything is beginning to taste like soap. I'm not sure how I feel about that yet.

I'm going to try to keep my writing more concise whilst I'm trying to get used to the medication, so that I won't second-guess everything. I'm also in the process of moving my personal entries into a solitary page as well, so my editing's moving along more slowly than I'd like it to. I'll be posting recipes daily as well, so there will always be something new here.

A recipe:

Carrot Soup

Calories: 38

(Serves ten)

10 full-length carrots, 5 medium stalks of celery, 2 cloves of garlic, 1 medium onion, 8 cups of water

1. Chop all vegetables into small pieces, then boil them in a pot with eight cups of water.
2. Allow to boil until tender.
3. Let cool, then add garlic to the mix. Puree the soup for a heartier texture. For a smoother texter, use a blender.
4. After blending, add garlic, salt, and pepper (to taste).
5. Reheat and eat!

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95

Height: 5'4"

Losing Weight at Work

I'm heavily medicated right now, so I apologize in advance for the disheveled nature of this blog entry. I'm very near to falling asleep on the keyboard, but I am determined to finish writing this before then.

I work at a clothing store, and stay busy running to and from the shipping room, with racks and trolleys of clothing. I count the lot of it as cardio, which motivates me, since I know (...or think, at least) that I'll weigh less each pay day. I've pulled together a few jobs that offer similar pay-offs:

Part-time Jobs that Burn Calories

1. Retail: As long as you aren't confined to the cash register, working in retail burns about 125 calories per hour. 
2. Guiding Tours: Walking briskly on a tour burns about 189 calories per hour, whereas walking leisurely burns 149 calories.
3. Paintng Homes: As well as strengthening your arms, painting walls burns 251 calories per hour.
4. Construction: Working construction burns around 290 calories every hour.
5. Serving at a Resturaunt: Serving tables consists of a lot of running around wihlst carrying trays, burning roughly 190 calories each hour.

All of the aboves estimates are based on my weight, at 110 ( 7st 8) pounds (49.8 kilos).

 

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95

Height: 5'4"

 

 

 



Tea

A note from the author: Reading back on my "frightening" dream, I've come to the conclusion that it was more humorous to recall than frightening... though in quite the unorthodox manner.

Although it is highly esteemed for the ECGC that it contains, green tea is not the only tea that contributes to weight loss. To break a bit of the monotony (albeit tasty monotony), I've composed a list of other teas that are quite helpful as well. Before this list commences, I would like to note that I'm fond of cats (which has likely made itself apparent by now). They'll be accompanying your tea today.

Oolong Tea

 

Oolong tea boosts the metabolism, along with aiding digestion; strengthening teeth; and complimenting a healthy complexion. It's frequently served at Chinese restaurants, so ordering it with your meal might be a good compliment to strengthening your metabolic rate whilst eating.

Rooibos Tea

Rooibos teas contribute to healthy digestion, as well as providing some comfort to a nagging or sour tummy.

Black Tea

Black teas are handy for a small energy boost, as they contain about 20% of the caffeine present in a cup of coffee. They're also handy for maintaining a healthy circulatory and cardiovascular system.

On a personal note: I had a very unusual eating disordered dream tonight. I have binge dreams on occasion, but this one was much more frightening. I dreamt that I was in a public bathroom, and there were full-length mirrors in every stall. When I noticed the first one, I lifted my shirt as I would normally do to check the shape of my stomach. Of course, it didn't look as I thought that it should, and it threw me into a mad panic. I dashed from stall to stall, examining myself in every mirror. I took balls of toilet paper and tried to wipe my stomach off (I've never done that), but I wasn't able to. I left the restroom eventually, and somehow ended up in an eating disorder clinic which looked like a house. Men greeted me at the door, and assured me that I would be the only person in the clinic. I'd receive all of the help that the staff had to offer, because I'd essentially be in the spotlight. I was terrified, so I broke away from the terror I felt and just... ran. I must have ran far enough to escape the dream, because everything morphed into a new setting with new plots.

I can't properly explain how strange it was to me. It must have been stemmed from the anxiety I've been wrought with whilst miserably sleep-deprived. I need more psych meds.

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95

Height: 5'4"

Gracie

I've been lazing around my house and stuffing my face all day. Missing nearly an entire night's sleep never falls short of throwing my brain into a chaotic mess. When I'm influenced by insomnia, my thoughts channel themselves through crossed wires, and their fragments rattle around in my head like pins... none of which assist my ability to understand logic.

I can't conceive doing anything remotely mindful whilst I'm sleep deprived. I don't care to write as much, reading is a tedious strain, painting is nonsense, and leaving the house is just pretentious (Motivation? My, aren't we special.). With all other options for entertainment tossed from my sight, the television becomes my separate universe. I glue myself to the couch, find Supersize vs. Superskinny on Youtube, hook my monitor to the T.V. screen... and then commence snacking, because my choice in doing so (or not) is out of my hands by this point. If I didn't own a television, I'm confident that I'd be well under ninety pounds (in all honesty, eating elsewhere makes me uncomfortable).


I visited my parents' house whilst they were out, so that I could pick up dinner for myself and Gracie [pictured latter]. They've had a half-gallon of Cookies & Cream frozen yogurt in their freezer for about two weeks now. Although I haven't touched it (god forbid... one of us wouldn't last such an encounter), I know that they haven't taken more than a spoonful from it. Ice cream has always been my binge food, and this particular brand of Cookies & Cream is a favorite of mine; but tonight, instead of nabbing it out of the freezer, I brought back applesauce, edamame, and protein bread. I opened the freezer, I saw it, and I shunned it. I am victorious! I have beaten Cookies & Cream ice cream.

Weight: 114 113 112 111 110 109 108 107 106105 104 103 102 101 100 99 98 97 96 95

Height: 5'4" 



Starvation Mode

I'd like to clarify:

If you don't take in enough calories, your body goes into the state commonly coined 'starvation mode.' In starvation mode, your metabolic rate is lowered by about 10% under its capacity. The idea behind this, is that with a lower metabolic rate, your body can better conserve its energy.

Your body will go into starvation mode if you cut your daily caloric intake to less 50% of what your body requires.

BMR Calculator

In my case, my BMR is 1,326. In order for me to put my body in starvation mode, I would have to eat less than 663 calories.

Weight: 114  113  112  111  110  109  108  107  106  105  104  103  102  101  100  99  98  97  96  95 Height: 5'4

(this picture makes me chuckle, because I once went without dusting my house long enough to see it pour through the windows like this... all the while wondering why I was having severe allergies.)